I remember like it was just yesterday, when my son would keep me up throughout the night and I wished and prayed (and voodooed and cursed) that he would just sleep through the night just once. That day came and I've never had to look back. Until last night. Apparently, my son's internal clock went off at 12:34am and he was up with screams more violent than those from a horror movie, he let me know that he was not happy. So, like every good mother I covered my head and tried convincing myself that I was dreaming.

But the guilt got the better of me.

So up I hop to go cuddle and rock my little 2 year old boy, who upon entering the room somehow transformed into the most vapid, angry little thing I have ever seen. Sleeping was not what he wanted to do and he didn't want anyone within ear shot to do it either.

4:15 rolls around and I find myself downstairs on the couch with little angry thing laying on me softly snoozing. It was a blur of sleepy in's and out's before then. I remember walking downstairs after trying for hours to comfort him in the rocking chair. Or was that before or after taking him to our bedroom only to have little feet kick me in every spot imaginable while hearing a small voice ring out "no sleep mommy" just before getting slapped in the nose.

I pulled the blanket up over us both and at 6am he was wide awake and mad as hell. Or was that me? Yeah, we both were. I think I cried almost as much as he did. What possessed him not to sleep? I called his grandfather to see how he did today and he only took a 40 minute nap this afternoon.

Why am I so afraid to go home and face the possibility that I may go through this again tonight. It's like a night terror that is more frightening to think about than to actually experience, it's the anticipation of the agony that may or may not arrive at any given moment.

It's the lack of sleep that causes me to be so ridiculously dramatic. Is it still considered bad form to add a little Crown Royal to the bottle?

1 comments :

Chris said...

DANG!!! seems like you got wrapped up and put in the hurt locker...WOW. Sorry to hear that.

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